This is so not the Brady Bunch
by driter
Summary: Collection of One Shots. Now up: Derek and Casey don't like each other. They just protect each other. Dasey. Duh.
1. Like Family Not

**Since I have all these random plot bunnies stomping my head--and I'm on break so I actually have some time--I figured I'd just create a place to vent them. So that's what this is: a collection of somewhat random one shots. I don't forsee them being really connected or anything.**

**Anyway, here's the first one. Please let me know what you think :)**

**Plot Bunny 1: Derek and Casey have become like family...except not.**

--

George's work functions were always tedious. And awkward. And, if Casey had to swat away one more sweaty co-worker's son, she was going to jump out the window. Like literally launch herself down ten stories.

"Someone's popular," Derek murmured as he appeared next to her. He set a cup of punch—which she hadn't asked for, but appreciated—on the table before her. "It's like watching the Bachelorette over here."

"Really?" she said, taking a sip, "I thought it'd look more like a B-rated horror movie."

"Heh, well-"

"Would you dance with me?" Casey blurted, grabbing his hand and frantically setting her drink aside.

"Right," he muttered, "Because this night hasn't been lame enough without having to slow dance with my sister."

It was still weird he'd started calling her that. But, she took it as a compliment and nothing else.

"Please?" she begged, pouting, "There's another guy coming over and-"

"Okay," he said instantly, pulling her up from her stool. He guided her to the dance floor, glowering about indiscriminately.

"Thanks, 'Big Bro'," she quipped.

"Well, I am older and wiser," he said as they fell into dancing, his left hand resting lightly on her back, and his right taking hers.

"Well, you're older; I'll give you that."

She stuck her tongue out at him and he smirked.

"No, seriously, you're my hero."

"_Third_ girl who's said that to me tonight."

"Oh, you've taken to spontaneous rescuing then?"

"I usually wear a cape."

He dipped her dramatically and they both came back up laughing.

"Have I mentioned how much more I like you now that you're Ass-Lite?"

--

Derek being Ass-Lite really _was_ nice. But, it didn't come without a price. Casey now found herself privy to the same protectiveness—and obnoxiousness—he'd once reserved only for Marti.

Exhibit A: Tormenting her new boyfriend. Repeatedly. And then some more.

--

"He gave him a wedgie," Casey complained to Emily, who was trying gosh golly hard to fulfill her BFF duty of not bursting into laughter. "I mean, I felt embarrassed _for_ Matt."

Emily finally swallowed a giggle and patted her arm. "Relax, I'm sure he's just a little jealous, that's all."

"Jealous?" Casey repeated blanky.

"Well, sure. Derek's uber-possessive, especially of family," Emily said a-matter-of-factly, "I mean, have you seen him around Marti in the last…_ever_? He's probably just worried about you and upset that he's losing time with his other favorite 'sis."

Yeah, that still sounded weird.

"Maybe I should go easier on him," Casey said on a sigh, "He has been rambling about this stupid rib place opening up."

"Yeah, you guys should totally go, he'd love that. It will be _so cute_."

--

It was cute.

His eyes lit up in that tiny, you'll miss it if you blink sort of way when _she'd_ finally brought it to _him_.

"_Sweet_."

--

'Bubbly' wafted in the car and Derek rolled his eyes as Casey reached for her cell phone. "It's Matt."

"No, really? I thought that was Ed's ring."

She narrowed her eyes, but ignored him, flipping it open and reading the text. "Oh, wow," she whispered, "He's back in town early."

Derek lifted his pointer finger, twirling it. "You can tell me all about how great it is while I ignore you over ribs."

"Derek," she chided, "He's been gone for a week. I can't just ditch him."

"But you can ditch me?"

"Okay, someone needs a chill pill, stat," Casey said, annoyed, "Just take me home. Please. We can do this later."

She re-buckled her seatbelt and waited expectantly. But, when the engine didn't start, she glared at him. "Slow much?"

"Annoyed much," he corrected, "I'm not taking you home."

"What? Why?"

"Because you said you were going to spend the day with me."

"Derek, he's my boyfriend."

"_I'm_ supposed to be your priority—I mean the entire family is," he hurriedly amended.

"Nice save…not. God, you are so self-centered. And, did I mention self-centered?"

His jaw tensed. "I just wanted to spend some time with you. But, no, you always have to be with _him_."

"I'm not always with him. You pretty much monopolize my time; that is when you're not late picking me up, or ditching me to French some cheerleader."

"I already apologized about that," he said lowly.

"Yeah? Well, guess what? I'm a little busy so I haven't gotten around to forgiving you yet."

He jerked and glared out the windshield.

"Is that what you want to do?" he said, his voice rising again, "Go home and French your stupid boyfriend?"

She turned to him and his gaze was hot, angry, possessive.

This didn't feel right.

This did _not_ feel right.

She used to have these types of conversations with her ex—which was admittedly the hottest and rockiest relationship she'd been in—right before they'd fight and make out in his backseat.

Derek had a backseat. But, Derek was her step-brother.

"I want to go home," she said, eyes fleeing out the window.

"Fine. I don't care. I don't want you here anyway," he hissed and it sounded almost petulant, "There's a game on."

"Well, _wheee_; bring out the popcorn—ah!"

She shrieked as he grabbed her shoulder roughly, leaning over and barking at her, "He's not frenching you in _my house_, so you better find somewhere else to do it."

"I will," she promised, glaring at him. She smacked his hand away, where it'd been burning into her, "And, it's not your house anymore, asshole."

"Yes, it is. It's mine. And, so is everything else in it."

_God_. She'd never wanted to hit him so much in her life. And, she'd never wanted to—something else she couldn't even begin to contemplate—so much either.

--

She missed Derek—which annoyed the hell out of her. She never realized how much time, how much attention he gave her before. Sneaking up on her in her room. Teasing her in the bathroom. Teasing her everywhere else. Driving her and picking her up. Watching movies with her on the couch. Talking with her.

Sure, in a way she'd been kind of blowing him off lately, doing some of these things with Matt, but at least he'd always kept nagging her, trying.

She wanted to make up with him, but the fight had been so weird and charged. And, it was like she was fighting with her other stepsiblings, but somehow completely not. It felt…tense.

Speaking of tense things, Derek suddenly entered the kitchen, clutching his lower back and grimacing. He stiffened even more when he saw her.

"You're home early," he said coldly, "What? Did they run out of extra-credit assignments?"

"Hilarious," she deadpanned, eyes narrowing.

She heard the door open again, but she ignored it when she saw him winch.

"Are you okay?" she asked before she could stop herself.

"I strained something, I think. It's cool, I just need a massage."

"Well-"

"Big D, I know you're hurting, but could you have at least waited for me?"

Enter perky blonde number 568854 Stage Left.

Casey's eyes narrowed as the girl strutted over to him, her hand smoothing down his back.

"You still need that massage?" she whispered.

"Yeah, that would be great, Lisa, thanks."

"Lara," she corrected, pouting.

"Yeah, yeah, that's even prettier."

She beamed and dragged him towards the steps, his soda abandoned on the counter.

Casey huffed. That _bitch_.

Okay, so where the hell did that come from?

--

"If you don't want me spending time with guys here, then why is it okay for you to be getting back massages via bimbos in your bedroom."

He bristled as she ambushed him. "My back _hurt. _What? Were you gonna give me one?"

"Well, you never asked me, did you?"

His eyes were lit with surprise and something else as he watched her. "I didn't know I could."

Neither did she.

"Well…" Her cheeks were red and she didn't even know what the hell she was saying around him anymore, "I can do that for you, okay?"

He blinked dumbly. "Okay."

--

They were hanging out again now, but it was weird. And when he looked at her, or touched her—which he was doing a lot—her stomach warmed.

His smirks made her blush.

But, his smile…?

Shit.

--

She saw him before he thought she saw him. He was standing awkwardly by a bulletin board—which was all about Biology, so she doubted he was actually reading it, or maybe that he even could—and glancing sporadically at her.

Weird.

When he finally walked over, he said quietly, "Hey."

"Hey," she answered softly, closing her locker. "What's up, Derek?"

"What…what are you doing Friday?"

Also weird.

"Um, I dunno." She shrugged. "I think Em and I were thinking about going shopping, but we do that almost every week so-"

"I got tickets to a movie," he blurted, cutting her off, "But it's not just any movie. It's big—I mean 3D, I-Max. It's supposed to be so sweet."

"Sounds great," she said, sucked into his warm brown gaze.

But, of course it didn't. Because it didn't sound like anything. Except big apparently.

"Sweet," he said and rushed away.

"Sweet," she said after him.

That was weird, too.

--

The movie was awful. It was about fighting penguins or something…? And they were surrounded by a lot of crying kids. One of them was kicking their seats the whole time.

The popcorn was stale.

He asked her in the car, "Did you have fun?"

"Totally."

"Sweet."

--

Hugging him goodnight was also weird. Because they were both going back to the same place. And they were sort of squeezing each other. And he was sort of stroking her back in slow, steady circles. And, yeah, the whole squeezing thing.

"Did you like the penguins?" he asked and Casey found the question almost incomprehensibly stupid.

"Mmmhmm."

"Sweet."

"Thanks for paying," she said, pulling back so they were still touching, but could see each other.

"No problem. Anytime, Case."

"We can't date," She said abruptly and she could feel him tensing under her "We're siblings."

"Step-siblings."

And, that was apparently persuasive enough, because she kissed him, softly, exploring. Then she pulled back so he could take over if he wanted. And he wanted.

He tipped her head back and rode her lips with his, rough and smooth—like she always thought he would be, not that she'd thought about it, of course, which she had.

She tugged at his sweater, bunching it and bringing him closer as it deepened slowly, steadily, until their movements became jerkier and urgent. She kissed him harder and made him moan a little--and seriously--this was the best damn non-date ever.

She whispered in his mouth, "Sweet."

"Sweet."

His lips brushed hers again and it felt so _good._

There were a lot things that felt so damn good about him. His eyes. His smirk. His kindness. His attention. His protection. And, now...his mouth.

And that was defintely weird.

But mostly just hot.

--


	2. Mutual Protection

**Round two of my plot bunnies. Two notes:**

**-Someone asked if I'd take requests. Sure, why not. I can't guarantee how many I'll do (depending on time and preference, of course). But, if you have any ideas, go ahead and share some.**

**-I am still working on S.H.S.G. I actually pretty much have the last few chapters mapped out in my mind. But, they're harder to write, so they'll take a little longer to come out (which actually won't be that long since I write so quickly anyway). Thanks to all faithful reviewers :)**

**--**

**P.B. 2: Casey and Derek protect each other. A/U spinoff of The Bully Brothers (one of my fave eps)**

**--**

**Derek**

Casey hurting was not okay.

It was not fucking okay.

So when the Fridge's elbow slipped and stabbed her in the face—accident or not—Derek's many attempts of somehow escaping this fight were out the window.

He saw Max drop to the ground and hold her. And, yeah, that was swell. That's what boyfriends do.

But, Derek did this.

"Shit!" Ryan hissed when Derek punched him hard in the gut.

But, he looked more annoyed than hurt. And as he moved towards him, fist raised, it was Derek's turn to cry, "Shit!"

--

"Derek…Derek!"

"Ooongh." He tried to open his right eye all the way, but he couldn't. And it felt swollen. And, did he mention it hurt like a bitch?

"Oh, god; thank _god_ you're okay."

There was a heart shaped pendant swinging in his face and he smelt vanilla—which unless Sam was cross dressing, probably meant this was Casey. When he felt a tender hand rubbing his cheek, he _really_ hoped it was Casey, not Sam.

Speaking of Sam, "Dude. I thought you were dead."

"Yeah, what the hell were you thinking, man?" That was Max this time.

"Onnngh," he moaned again, disoriented, "_Casey_."

He squinted, which also hurt like a bitch, and he could see her eyes warming down at him. At least what he could see of her eyes anyway. About half her face was covered with an ice pack.

"I'm right here, okay?" she said, shaking his shoulder gently, "That's who you were talking to, remember?"

"Right; right."

"Right," she said again softly.

"Y'kay?"

He hoped she was, because he was going under again. Right about…now.

--

He kept falling in and out. In and out. And he was catching parts of things. Mostly Casey. Spazzing of course. A school nurse. Then some of Sam's lame jokes. Something about chocolate cows….he couldn't remember. Then there was more Casey.

And of course the fighting.

Which is what he heard again the final time he came to.

"…never would have happened," Casey was hissing to Max from the backseat.

Derek was in the backseat, too. And, he was in her lap. Or at least his head was. He squinted and tried to focus, but her fingers felt so good threading his hair, her hand absently stroking his chest.

"How could you blame me for this?" he whispered back roughly.

"You're so much bigger than Derek. You should have helped him, protected him."

"Well, excuse me for trying to protect you. My girlfriend."

"Not for much longer," she grumbled, and Derek decided this would have been freaking hilarious if not for the disorientation. And, oh yeah, that whole fabulous touching thing going on.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"Why the hell not? You let the Fridge break Derek."

Their attempts at whispering were officially over. And apparently so was their relationship.

Yeah, this was definitely hilarious.

"And, I can't believe _I_ had to be the one to beat the shit out of the Fridge!" Casey shrieked.

Um, what?

--

**Casey**

Derek hurting was not okay.

It was not fucking okay.

So when the Fridge ruined Derek's epically sweet and epically stupid act by punching his lights out, she was pretty damned pissed.

"Max," Casey cried, smacking her boyfriend, "Do something. Now. Max-"

"No, wait, he'll be okay. We need to get you ice or somethi-"

Screw the ice. And screw him.

Before her pacifism packed brain could even get on the same page as her body she'd marched over to Ryan—who actually looked like he might apologize—and kicked the shit out of his groin. Then one more time. Then she kicked his back on the ground.

"Now stay the hell away from him!"

She glanced down and she could see Derek staring foggily up at her, disoriented. "Sweet," he murmured before passing out.

--

God, she'd never wanted to hear him say something obnoxious so badly in her entire life.

"Derek…Derek," she cried leaning over him.

She felt an icepack being pressed to her cheek and she ripped it angrily from Max's grasp, who shrunk back. "We'll talk about how pissed I am at you later," she hissed at him.

Max groaned, but got on his knees beside her and Sam.

"You have to keep him conscious; don't let him go back to sleep." Coach Bowers, the closest adult they could find, said. "He should be fine; but I'm gonna get the nurse, okay?"

"Okay, but hurry!" Casey said breathlessly.

She could still feel the knot wrapping painfully in her gut as she called to him.

"Derek…Derek!"

"Onnhgh?"

_Oh, thank god._

--

**Derek**

"Sweet," Derek murmured again, staring stupidly up at her.

This seemed to finally stop the fight, and Casey, Max, and even Sam—who really should have been looking at the road—looked to him.

"Oh, sweetie, are you okay?"

Sweetie? That was new. And gross. But kind of…_nice_, too.

He felt his head being cradled against her stomach now, and his eyelashes fluttered. "I'm 'kay."

"We're gonna get you home real soon, okay?" she whispered, hunching over so her face was close to his.

"M'kay."

"Then, Sam? Would you mind dropping my ex off at his house?"

Sam's brows spiked and Max looked utterly indignant as she glowered at him. Derek just snorted.

Freaking hilarious.

--

Sam and Casey helped him into the house while the football player formerly known as Casey's boyfriend glowered in the car. Derek was still smirking about this, but he grimaced when the door opened and the screaming began.

--

"I can stay with him," Casey said quietly to their parents from beside his bed. Her lips quirked dryly and she removed her icepack, revealing a huge shiner, "See? We match; like twins."

A few more words were exchanged before George and Nora acquiesced, leaving, but Derek was focused on the soft hand entwined in his.

"I'm so mad at you," she said to him as soon as the door closed. She didn't sound angry though, just tired as she continued, "You could have gotten killed. I mean literally killed, Derek."

"He hit you," he said lowly, shifting slightly so he could look at her, "Case closed."

He slipped his hand from hers and let it trail softly through her hair, down her cheek. Yeah the head trauma must have gotten to him.

"You okay?" he rasped.

"Yes," she whispered, and he could almost see the tension leaving her.

"Or maybe I should ask if the Fridge is okay?" he asked with a smirk, " 'Stay the hell away from him'!" He mimicked, laughing softly.

Casey smiled, too then. Reluctantly.

"Don't make me laugh, Derek. I mean it. I was really worried about you."

Her left hand landed gently on his right—which had settled in the crook of her neck—squeezing.

"Eh, I'd do it again," he murmured as her lips brushed against his bruised knuckle.

"I know. That's why you're an idiot."

She leaned over and he leaned in, too, as she pressed a chaste kiss to his lips; and then her mouth was gone from his before he could even miss it. Which he still did.

"I don't like you," she whispered to him.

"I don't like you either."

--

**Hopefully I can persuade some of you to press the little cute button down there and let me know if you're enjoying the One Shots or not :bats eyelashes: lol**


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